Friday, October 29, 2010

Man, You BETTER Pause...

I am a woman of a certain age. 

Yeah, that's right!  I'm creeping up on the big "M".  Menopause. 

(Oh Joy!)

The past 6 months or so I've noticed more physical changes than I have in the subsequent years.  I'm cool with the gray hair and the crows feet.  "Adds character Baby!"

But I've noticed lately that I've developed the dreaded "chin wattle".  (I once heard that your face will either "sink" or "sag" as you age.) 

I'm a sagger.  (Was that my boobs that just hit the floor?)

I think it's a blessing that we loose our close up vision as we get older. 

"That's right! I still look good from a distance." Up close? Not so much. 

"Where are those freaking reading glasses?"

I have short term memory loss.  "Why did I come in here?"  "What was I saying?"  "Who are you again?"

And my periods of course.  I skipped a few...then they come back again. 

"Make up your mind." 

I have a coworker who smiles and says "You have NO IDEA how great it is that they're gone!" (Oh stop rubbing it in.)

I have a friend who had her last child at 37 and went into natural menopause.  No symptoms.  At all.  (I still love her but...geez...unfair!)

I have another friend who's 12 years older than I am.  (She's my "source" for all menopausal wisdom.)  She's in her 60's and she still suffers from the daily drenching of hotflashes.  (I'm the opposite.  I get shaking cold flashes.)

Sm has a friend whose wife has been in a permanent bad mood for 3 years.  She throws things. 

SM begs me "Please don't do that." 

"I'll try not to, Honey." 

His friend says that just this past summer things have gotten better with his wife.  Either that or he's gotten really good at getting out of the way.

Ah... the change.  Here's a bit of classic humor to lighten our moods:



What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman in menopause?
Lipstick


It's called menopause, because every time a woman who's menopausal hears a man speak, she needs to pause or she'll clobber him.



WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.


You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.


The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.


Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.


Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.


Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

1 comment:

  1. Bob thinks you OD'd on chocolate and that's why you went menopausal.

    ReplyDelete