Peri-menopause is a funny thing. Every day there's some new ache, pinch, pain or twitch happening in your body. You can't rely on anything that seems like a normal period. Toss in the emotional hiccups here and there and no wonder jokes are made about the snarling beasts that middle aged women become. I'm just getting started and already I'm so self obsessed with every burp, fart, scratch and tickle that I'm ready to call it a day. I'm so tired of thinking about ME. (Whens that asteroid going to hit the Earth and wipe out all life on the planet and end my misery? Please...Just stick a bulls eye on my forehead and we'll call it a happy day.)
Sadly I know this is just the beginning.
There are women out there that have far worse symptoms than I have. I have a co-worker who's a year younger than I am and hasn't had a period in 8 months. So close and yet so far. I'm SO jealous. But she has hot flashes. She started an estrogen cream about a month ago and "Bye, Bye hot flashes."
None for me so far. I actually get the random cold flash. I've had them on and off for a few years. These seem to time in with ovulation so I call them "hormone surges." I haven't had one in months and suddenly had one last week. SM came home to find me bundled up in the lazy boy, nauseated and shivering.
"You OK?" He asks, kissing my forehead.
"No. I'm having one of my cold episodes and I've got this weird pain down here." (indicating my lower right abdomen.)
"Well...we know it's not your appendix." SM says cheerfully. (Emergency appendectomy in 2010.)
"No." I agreed. "I don't think it's a kidney stone either. No fever." I sigh. " Believe it or not I think I'm ovulating. Wanna make a baby?" I joke.
SM takes a step away from me like I'm a bomb that's about to go off. "HELL NO!" He says shaking his head, no doubt wondering if there's someplace else he can go to get away from me.
"I just hope it's not a cyst." I say more to myself than to him. Sure enough the pinch went away after about a day and I felt fine the next day.
A few days after that the boobs start hurting. Yep. Hormone surge indeed. SM came up behind me and draped an arm over my shoulder. I shrug him off in seconds feeling myself start to snarl like a caged tiger.
I apologize immediately and back off knowing that I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
A few days ago the HVAC system in the medical building where I work went on the fritz. The temperature in the building got hotter and hotter. Patients are hot and tempers are short. The Dr I work with made a heat induced comment that had me giving attitude back. We paused. She says "You know I didn't mean..." and I waved my hand off with a "You know I didn't mean it either..." Thank God we've worked together long enough to able to know these moments happen and forgiveness is easy. Same thing applies to SM. Thank God he's the sort of man who can roll with the punches.
I'm getting smacked around a bit this month by my hormones. Sigh. I sure wish we could wrap this crap up. I'm getting SO tired of dealing with ME.