F-Bomb In Disguise

Now that's one big pile of...

Mulch! 

Yep, and there's a cute story I'd like to share with you regarding that huge pile of mulch.

Just down the road from where we live is a company that sells various bulk mulches and soil composts.  They bag them up and sell them to the big box stores but they also have a "drive up and load up your truck" service for us locals.  The have a front loader that scoops up the mulch and dumps it into your pickup truck for a fee.  So that's where I headed Saturday Morning thinking to spiff up the front yard this weekend.

This stuff was labeled "Pine Mulch" which looks like it's all shredded up to me.   Not nuggets, not chips.  That's what I thought we'd bought before.  I come back home, pulled the truck into the front yard and got to work. 

No sooner do I get a shovel or two of this contraband onto the front yard beds than SM sticks his head out the door and says..."Um, that's not the same stuff." 

"It's not?"  I respond, playing the stupid card.  (*I can be dumb as a box of rocks when it suits me.  Like when I make a mistake like buying the wrong kind of mulch.  I mean it's not like I can take it back.)

"No.  It's supposed to be the mini-chips.  That looks all shredded up to me."  SM observes.

"Well, does it really matter?  I'm sure it looks the same from the street." I say trying to sell it as I intentionally toss another shovelful onto the bed.

"I don't like it.  The mini's look better especially up front.  They're neater."  SM says.

I give the shovel the old heave-ho back into the pickup, bend over, sweep the mulch back together with my hands and grabbing the pile of mulch, toss it back into the pickup with an over the shoulder...

"I live only to make you happy."

Few things set SM off the way that phrase does.  And "yes" I use it to annoy him.  I freely admit it.  SM stomps back into the house as I move the truck into the back yard to use the "shredded" mulch elsewhere.

I eventually wander back into the house where SM and I start discussing something else.  After a minute or two I stick my finger back into that electrical socket and say...

"What...Don't ya like the fact that I live only to serve you?"  I tease him with a big grin on my face.

"That pisses me off when you say that."  SM responds.

"Oh yeah?  Kinda like how I hate it when you say "Yes, Dear."  I counter back. 

Now SM's got a big grin on his face cause he knows how much I HATE to hear "Yes, Dear" come out of his mouth. 

I've never heard a woman use that phrase...ever.  And yet men always seem to gravitate towards it.  Am I the only one who hates it?

"Lets call this what it is, OK?"  I ask.  "We're basically being polite by using these phrases when the simple fact of the matter is that we're saying "F-you".

"Yes, Dear...."  SM says with a grin.

(*Game, set and match to SM.)