Saturday, January 11, 2014

Gimps, Wimps and Pimps

(*Three short stories that have nothing in common with each other other than that they're happening here at my house today.)


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I put the dogs outside last night when I got home from work.  

It had been raining all day and the ground was spongy and muddy.  As I watched the dogs stop, drop and pee, I saw Casey suddenly stiffen and then take off at full speed to the side fence.  I popped outside to see that the neighbors dog was loose and there ensued a nice 5 minute romp of back and forth racing that left Casey wet and muddy, but thoroughly satisfied.

Until this morning.

She's got her back hind leg pulled up.  Nice and lame.  

Again.

"That's what you get for playing too hard, too fast."  I told her as I went about my pre-walk chores.  

She went and laid down and showed no interest in my activities as I geared up and collared Ginny and Scooter.  But as soon as my hand opened the front door, I heard the thunder of a three legged pig racing after us.

Quickly, I hustled the other dogs outside and shut the door in her face.  I glanced back through the front door window to see a dejected piglet wander back to her spot, denied the opportunity to walk with the pack.

Sorry, my little Gimp.
 

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First it was a rain excuse. 

Then it turned cold.  

With temperatures earlier this week in the single digits, I made the command decision that it was just too freaken cold to take my sorry butt outside and do my daily laps.  After fifteen years in The South, my blood is officially thin.  Back when I lived in Ohio, I had a snow suit and subzero boots for stomping around.  No more.  

It's official.

I'm a wimp.

But after three days in row of inactivity on the workout front I finally made it out into the darkness of a balmy 23 degree morning a few days ago and what do you suppose I should hear?

"Well, well, well...I was wondering if I'd ever see you again."  Joe (my 72yo walking buddy) calls out me.

"Hey, my jeans are getting a little tight."  I said as I came up beside him.  "I feel like a hamster on a wheel.  If I get off the wheel, I turn into Fat Hamster."





Joe laughs and says.  "Funny how that works isn't it?  I can tell a difference in my waist too if I stop walking."

"Don't tell me you've been out walking the past few days."

"Oh Yeah..."  Joe responds.  "It's not too bad once you get going.  But I won't be walking the next few days.  I got a car show to go to."

"Well, you can call me a wimp if I get to call you a slacker."  I tossed back.

"Deal."

So I'm back in the saddle again.  I managed to dodge the rainstorms yesterday and today and I'm back up to my normal three miles.

Oh, what a joy it is to keep that middle age spread in line!


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Later this morning SM and I will be heading out together to potentially buy a new car.  


Well, I should say a "new to us" used car.  We don't lease and we don't buy new.  We buy the gently used stuff and SM has always been great at hunting and searching out the best deal on a car for us.  I trust him completely.  All he needs from me is what model I want and silly stuff like the color.

I told SM several months ago that I thought that the Jeep needed to head into semi retirement.  With 260K on her I felt that the time had come to get a younger vehicle to ferry me back and forth to work each day.

So SM has been diligently putting in the time and we might, just might, finally have a winner.

We came close a month ago.  SM had found a private owner but they changed their minds and decided to keep the car.  

Now SM has found another but this one is through a dealership.  Now, I don't know about you but I find having to deal with car salesman to be the most tedious thing ever. 





And I'm not the one who's been dealing with them!  SM has.  

Such a waste of time.  It's a freaken car, not a house!  Why do I have to spend 18 hours dealing with you people!?!

The biggest trouble is that my bullshit meter is very low.  


 


Oh, I'll try to keep quiet.  Trust me, SM gives me the stink eye if I even THINK to open my mouth during negotiations.  But there is always the possibility that this middle aged hormonal housewife will SNAP on your ass if you even think to try any BS on me.

Which is why SM swears that all the negotiations are done (Yeah, right) and that all I gotta do is sit and sign the paperwork and drive the new car away.

We'll see.  Pray that I can hold it together.  What's that they say?

1 comment:

  1. We had it pretty cold here a few days ago but we are in the 50's today. One catch is it comes along with gale force winds. I'm with you on the car buying thing. We too are doing that and I have no patience for the whole thing. Let alone the trust factor. I don't trust car salesmen. Stay warm and good luck with your new to you car.

    @3Beeze Homestead

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