The wind blew hard all day long yesterday keeping an otherwise mild, sunshiny day somewhat cold.
SM was restless and I encouraged him to take a walk outside with me around 4pm. He hesitated at first. SM doesn't like it cold and the wind was gusting but he sucked it up and suggested we take the dogs along since they were on their tippytoes in hopeful anticipation.
Seems like everybody was restless.
Conversations were limited with the dogs dragging us this way and that so when we got back to the house we ditched the dogs and went back out again, just us.
Halfway around I started shucking off my outerwear.
"Hotflash?" SM asked. "I can see it from here. Your face is bright red."
"I don't know what I'm going to do this Summer." I replied woefully. "Any time the sun hits my skin I ignite. It's funny...I've been complaining for the past two years thinking those flashes were hard. HA. This is just insane. I'll be gardening in the dark this year. Out at 3am digging around. Won't the neighbors love that?"
"I'll set up some stadium lighting for you and you've already got those headlamp flashlights. For the daytime, I'll put shadecloth over the whole garden so you can still get out." SM offers.
"I don't know how you put up with me, I really don't."
"I think you're doing remarkably well. I mean, I hear all kinds horror stories from other men and their wives are going off on them."
"Trust me. I feel like I've gotten SO moody over the last few months."
"If you are, you're hiding it well."
"Really?!? I feel like I treat you so bad anymore."
"It's a good thing you're not a mind reader then. I sure say some nasty things in my head." I fall silent for moment. "I really don't like this person I've been lately. I miss the old me."
"You're doing great...really." He punches me in the arm gently. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll get through this."
Moments like these are when I realize I was right 30 years ago.
I married SM because I knew he was my friend first.
And sometimes you just need a friend.