“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.” ― Norton Juster,
Writing is something that both comes naturally to me and something I have to force myself to do.
I'm a slow writer.
I read what I've written.
Get up, walk away and then come back again and re-write, edit, think some more.
My brain is sometimes my own worst enemy.
That and an unaccustomed laziness that has descended upon me these last few months.
At work, I chug along at a pace that makes my coworkers shine as the mere mortals that they are.
I've often thought that my employers got a bargain when they hired me. Two for the price of one sort of thing.
But when I'm not on the clock, things are vastly different.
I have time off at home to do what I please.
And what pleases me now is not much of anything at all.
Which is weird.
I'm usually a "project" sort of girl.
Line things up, tackle them and move on to the next big thing.
Looking back on my blog silence these last few months, I can see how it can be seen as something negative. Something must be wrong.
Not at all.
It keeps on going around us.
And mine has too.
Sometimes life needs to rest like Winter.
Sometimes life is in transition like Spring or Fall.
After five long years of not sleeping well (due to "The Menopause"), I have rediscovered the joy of sleeping again.
And of dreaming.
I'm not sleeping through the night like I did when I was younger. I doubt that I ever will again but it is a joy to wake up at 1 or 2 am and roll back over and sleep some more.
I'm almost hungry for it.
Which makes sense in a way.
Menopause denied me a good nights rest for a very long time.
I was in transition with the mood swings, hot flashes and lack of sleep.
I feel that I'm settling into my new body, my new spirit.
It's not laziness.
It's a centering of my soul that allows me to observe the insanity of the world around me and smile.
There is a silence in me now that sings to me of softness, stillness.