Elemental

"Time is a lot of the things people say that God is.  There's always preexisting, and having no end.

There's the notion of being all powerful, because nothing can stand against time, can it?  Not mountains, not armies.

And time is, of course, all-healing.  Give anything enough time, and everything is taken care of: all pain encompassed, all hardship erased, all loss subsumed.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  Remember, man, that thou art dust; and unto dust thou shalt return.

And if time is anything akin to God, I suppose that memory must be the devil."

Diana Gabaldon (A Breath of Snow and Ashes)

Eight huge piles of yard waste later, and my yard is now cleaned up and ready to go for Spring.

It all comes down to this.

Fire is elemental.  It draws us in, melts us down and allows us to see what is left of a life.  These trees and bushes that once were, are now ashes.

SM points at the fire.  "That'll be us someday. 98 cents."

65% Oxygen
18% Carbon
10% Hydrogen
3% Nitrogen
1.5% Calcium
1% Phosphorous
0.35% Potassium
0.25% Sulfur
0.15% Sodium
0.15% Chlorine
0.05% Magnesium
0.0004% Iron
0.00004% Iodine

I think we've all heard that.  High school Chemistry 101.  98 cents.  Terrifing thought if you're a 16 year old kid just starting out.

Death.  The big "D".

When I was younger I used to be afraid of death.  I think that's pretty normal. 

But as I've gotten older I realize that it's not death I'm afraid of, but of being sick and in pain.  The wasting away.  I'm not looking forward to that.  I'd rather go quick.  (Who wouldn't?)

But it's not the process of dying that I'm concerned about now.  It's the process of living.  How I live my life.  How I can extract the most out of each day that I've been blessed with.

I don't want to live a life that's unfulfilled. 

I'm not talking about a bucket list.  Some people need that.  My needs are much simpler than that.

When I hug SM, I feel his sigh of comfort as he relaxes against me.  I know his eyes are closed, just like mine.  We Are.  That brings me such joy.

I embraced the heat of the sun on my skin yesterday.  Sunburn.  Sensation.  Pain.  Heat glowing from me.  The coolness of my hands on my skin as I try to soothe it.  I marvel at that.

I felt the breeze of the wind lift my hair.  Hundreds of little hair follicles tickle me.  I brushed the hair off my face and from my mouth.  This makes me smile. 

This morning I exclaimed over the burning tingles of my fingertips as Winter reminds me that it's not finished with us just yet.  This pain that comes in waves and burns and makes me curse.

Elemental...Simple, primitive, basic, raw.

Life is complex.  But when the fire burns it all away...it comes down to just a few simple things.

Loving and being loved.  Breathe in...exhale out.  My heart beats as does yours.  You are.  So am I.

(I smile...)