The Voice

So I'm sitting in Lisa's chair Saturday Morning at 9am getting my hair done. 

Cut and colored. 

You know...making an effort to still look good after 50.

So Lisa is chatting me up about her life and I'm listening, chiming in here and there thinking to myself "I wonder how many clients she has today and how many times she'll tell the same stories over and over." 

(I couldn't do it...Blah, blah blah all day long.)

So she finishes up my foils.  (Low lights this time as my gray and blonde hair have turned my head into a big beige blob) And then she starts talking about a bathroom renovation she's doing.

And off we go. 

Finally something in common and suddenly we're yammering on about our bathroom remodels while my head processes when suddenly I hear...

"Tami?"

I spin in my chair and look over at a lady 2 chairs down leaning my way.  She doesn't look familiar to me at all.

"Yeah?"  I ask not knowing who I'm talking to.

"I thought that was you but wasn't sure until you said SM's name.  I live in the same neighborhood.  You know...Patty and Les!  Gosh, I haven't seen you in years!" 

"Oh...Hey Patty!  You went dark!"  The Patty I knew was much blonder.

"Yeah, darker and 20 pounds heavier.  (Sing it Sister!!!) 

"You know I was sitting here listening to you talk, thinking how do I know her?  You have such a distinctive voice."  She pointed out.

"Yeah, I've heard that before."  I said making a face.  "I've heard recordings of myself and all I can think of is that she sounds like an uptight, know-it-all.  You know...Snotty Bitch."

Both Patty and Lisa laugh and say "You don't sound snotty." or something to that effect. 

By this time everyone in earshot is listening to our conversation and I realize that once again I've gotten bit by my voice.

You see, she right.  I've got a pretty distinctive voice. 

It projects. 

It's bossy and authoritative.  I've been told before that I'd make a great Staff Sargent. 

But I can also put you into a trance with this voice. 

Or so I've been told.  When I need to relax a patient I can back it down and tune into my inner meditation teacher. 

And I hypnotize you.

Whaa Haa Ha...  I've got skills, I tell you.

Anyway, realizing I've got an audience that I don't really want listening to all this, (Cause believe it or not I'm actually quite shy) I shift the conversation back to Patty.

"So how's Les."

"He's good."

"Still retired?"

"Yep."

"You know Patty, I actually thought of him last year when I turned 50.  I've often thought how wonderful it would be to be able to stop working and do as I please."

(Les is a teacher and retired with a nice pension at age 50.  This offended me quite deeply when I'd heard about it.)

"You'll be sure to go home and slap him for me would ya?"  I asked her.

Everybody laughs.

"Sure will."  Patty says.

"I'm SO freakin jealous!"  I let her know.

"Yeah, tell me about it.  I'm still working too."  Patty sympathizes.  "Although I do still keep him busy with stuff around the house."

By this time both our hair stylists are hovering.

"Well...good to see ya." 

And we wave each other off knowing that hair must come first.

Especially if you're paying for it.